My Testimony

My name is Cassie. This is my testimony:

I was born November 3, 1968 in Rock Island, Illinois. I am number nine of thirteen brothers and sisters. We endured a life of horror at the hands of our father. Beatings were often and severe. We were frightened all the time.

I was molested by my mother’s boyfriend from the time that I was seven until I turned sixteen. He watched me as I slept, his silhouette outlined by the light in the hallway.

Loneliness was my constant companion. I didn’t have any friends. In fact, I was bullied all through my school years. I was never invited to parties or dances or football games. I spent my days alone in my room. staring at a poster that I had on my wall. My childhood and young adulthood were miserable years.

My father took my son away from me when he was ten years old and I didn’t see him for eight years until I drove two thousand miles to see him graduate from high school. I didn’t see him for several years more after that. I wasn’t invited to his college graduation.

I lived with a debilitating illness called chronic fatigue syndrome that left me bedridden for 23 hours per day for eight months. I was imprisoned within my own body for four years. I also endured severe chronic pain for five years. There was no part of my body that was not impacted by the pain. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night from the sheer agony. I begged God to take the pain and to deliver me from the CFS.

I was homeless for two years on the streets of Montana, two thousand miles away from my nearest relative. The stress of being homeless only exacerbated the CFS. No one would help me. I lived in a homeless shelter three times and was always threatened with losing my bed. I cried out to God many a day.

My beloved husband of thirteen years left me in a motel room with no money. He broke from not being able to care for me and ran to save his life. I don’t blame him for leaving. If I could have left myself, I would have. But, alas, wherever I went, there I was. I have not seen or heard from him for six and a half years. I miss him terribly. I wonder if he even remembers our life together. We shared the kind of love that most people only dream of or even hope to find. And life tore us apart and left me to live the rest of mine away from the love of my life. It is as though I am surviving without a vital part of me. Each day without him is as a thousand years. His loss is the worst part of living.

I have suffered for most of my life, enduring things that would break your heart and even your spirit. Just the things that I have shared here were horrendously heartbreaking and it was all I could do to get through the days and nights on my own. Only I was not on my own. There was One Who was always with me, even during the times when I felt all alone.

My life is just like a tapestry. On the back side, there are snarls and kinks and knots and wayward threads blowing in the chill winds of fate. It is this back panel that I spend most of my time seeing. It has seemed as though the Maker of this tapestry had no idea what He was making, or even doing. But He is a Master Artist and has been at work all of my life creating a masterpiece. Every once in a great while, He turns over the tapestry and allows me to glimpse the beautiful creation on the other side and I am amazed at the exquisiteness wherewith the Master has performed His task.

I could go on and recount the many and varied forms of suffering that I have been through in my life and I could explain how they left scars on my heart, but I will not. Instead, I will point you to the One Who took the shattered pieces of my life and made them into a marvelous conception. That One is Jesus. He dried my tears and provided meaning to the pain. Some of that pain I have received insight into and some of it yet remains a mystery, but I trust Him to someday reveal to me why I had to walk the road of suffering for so long. In the meantime, my hope and peace is in Him.

I want you to know that God will take your pain and heartache and make something beautiful out of them. You may not understand right now why you suffer and you could even be angry with God for allowing them. But I assure you that He is not responsible for your pain, yet He is at work in your life, engaged in seeing to it that what you are experiencing will ultimately work out for something good in your life, if you will trust Him and place your life in His Hands.

I want you to see and experience the God that I know. And that is a good God. One full of compassion, mercy, and love. Sure, He chastises His children, but what good parent does not? And yes, there is a side of God that is judgment, but that is reserved for the disobedient and the wicked. The very first step of repentance brings about the mercies of the Lord. He does not want to see even one person in hell, which is why He sent His Son to die for every one of us. Jesus satisfied the holiness of God and God’s justice for sin. He paid the price for sin so that we would not have to and we would be brought back into fellowship with God. For that is what the Lord wants with all of us: fellowship. He wants to have an intimate relationship with us all. So, I will continue to encourage you to come to Jesus.

There is going to come a day when the Lord stops calling. He said to seek Him while He may be found and to call upon Him while He is near. I urge you not to wait until it is too late to reach out to God. Because if you do, you will be eternally regretful and will suffer the consequences. Eternity is too long for you to take your life so lightly and you not to take the Lord seriously. The Lord said that if you are willing and obedient that you would eat of the good of the land. But if you refuse and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.

God has put before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. He urges you to choose life, that it may be well with you and your family.

I may have seemed to take a turn from my testimony, but in all honesty, I have not. My life is about turning people to the Lord now. He took a life that was completely messed up with severe depression, anxiety, and a broken mind. One whose life was shattered, marred, and scarred and made something beautiful out of the pain. He delivered me from all of my fears, and I was one who was filled with fears of every kind. He set me free from the prison that was my mind. For, you see, I was a person who walked around as though I was free, but I was imprisoned by my hang-ups and fears. I may as well have been in an actual prison with bars and doors because my life was very much the same as that of prisoners. And Jesus Christ opened the doors of my prison and set me free.

Now, I live a life of peace. The inner turmoil that went on inside of me has been gone for a long time now. I have joy in my life no matter the circumstance. Yes, I go through trials and endure tribulation, but I am not alone. I have the grace of God to help me and the love of the Father to encourage me and root for me as I deal with this thing called life. And I want the same for you. I am not talking about religion. I am talking about a real-life, true relationship with God. God is real and He has a Personality. He loves and laughs and enjoys the time that we spend together. He is Our Father and He loves us more than I could ever possible express to you in mere words. He wants you in His life. But He will not force Himself on you. Even though that might ultimately cost you your eternal soul if you reject Him and His ways. Don’t do it. I plead with you. I pray for you and ask God’s mercy for you before it is too late.

The Lord said that today when you hear His voice, harden not your heart. (Hebrews 3:15) Don’t just read these words and then go on about your life as though you are fine if you do not know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior. You will regret it for all of eternity if you will not accept His sacrifice for you that He made on the cross. Life is short and time is running out. Jesus Christ is on His way back very soon. Do not allow unbelief or pride to keep you away from the greatest love that you will ever know. He loves you. He does not want you to be lost. Give your life to Him. You will forever be glad that you did.

I am happy now. All because of Jesus. All because of the Father and the Holy Spirit. But I am not content  just to be happy myself. I want the rest of the world to be happy, too, and that includes you. Reach out to God. I promise that He will reach back to you.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.


He Heard Me

My heart is filled with wonder right now. See me as I gaze with wonder at the face of God.

I had been feeling out of sorts and all alone today. My anxiety level was high and I did not know what to do with myself and I was in this state for most of the day. Until I got into the word of God. Before I did that, I got on my knees to talk to Him first, but He let me know in no uncertain terms that it was in His word that I would find what I was looking for.

I was looking for Him. I had felt as though He was being silent towards me again. I got a bit flustered because it is the Lord that I want more than anything in this world. I want to be close to Him at all times. So, when I felt far away from him, I became discouraged. But I should have known that when those feelings came upon me, that was only a trick of the enemy. Of sstupid ssatan, himself. For when I got into the word, I found encouragement and strength.

I refused to take an anxiety pill. I was determined to find my peace with the Lord in the pages of my bible and that is precisely what happened to me. I cried as I came across this passage: “For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee.” (Ps.31:22) Because that is precisely what I had experienced. In my haste, I said that God was not hearing me and I was alone, but He pointed out to me that He heard me and that made me cry.

Oh, God is so good. If you do not know Him, you are missing out on the greatest experience of all time. He is so full of compassion and love.

Oh, see me as I love on my Lord. He heard me. And He comforted me. I will forever be grateful for HIs presence and His kindness toward me.

Oh, blessed be the Name of the Lord.