Uncertainty

I seem to be filled with uncertainty these days. Uncertainty when it comes to my writing, that is. No matter what I try to do, the words just appear to be caught up inside me and I do not know what to do to retrieve them.

This is a new experience for me. I used to be able to simply think of a word and have an article written within minutes of that thought. But now, my cursor just blinks at me. Taunting me to make it move across the page. Every word is a victory; every sentence is a triumph.

I am determined that I will not be defeated in this writing arena. I will get the best of the enemy that thwarts my attempts at creativity. Through Jesus Christ, I can do all things. (Philippians 4:13) God always causes me to triumph. (2 Corinthians 2:14) So I cannot just say that I can no longer write. For the Lord gives me the grace that I need to do whatever is necessary for me to accomplish. All that I must do is yield myself to the Holy Spirit and let Him do in and through me His work.

I do not know the purposes of the Lord. I am not privy to the workings of His Mind. I cannot tell what He is doing at any certain period of time. And I do not know why He is letting me flounder in this sea of uncertainty. All I know is that I trust Him and that in the end, all of the grief that I have endured this year when it comes to my writing, or the lack thereof, will be worth it all.

As I sit here typing these words, I feel a sense of peace and of strength welling up within me. For the Lord has stood up inside me and I am going in the strength of His might and not in my own abilities. For when we rely on our own efforts, we fall short of the glory of God. But when we trust in the Lord, our resources are limitless and the sky is the limit. In truth, the sky is not the limit. The universe is not even our boundary. There are NO limits when one puts one’s hope in God. There is nothing that we undertake that we are unable to do.

Who says that I cannot write? sstupid ssatan, that’s who. And who is he? He is one who was defeated royally over two thousand years ago. He is nothing but a rotten liar. And anyone who is foolish enough to listen to him is bound for a life of misery. I will not acknowledge the enemy. I will simply rebuke Him in the Name of Jesus and go on to write, this article as well as my book.

I encourage you to go for your dreams. No matter how difficult it may be in order to accomplish them. I won’t let a period of writer’s block keep me from doing the job for which I am called. I will just punch through the wall and will find myself on the other side before long. If dreams were easy, everyone would be following them. Go after what you want! If you persevere and rely upon the Lord, what you seek you will find! Nothing is impossible with God. Absolutely nothing. Remember that.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

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Pain, Life’s Teacher

I find life fascinating. The people in it and the various circumstances that I have found myself. Although I have suffered for most of my life, I still discover a beauty to the grand pageant of nature’s existence that caused me to gasp my breath.

I have always listened to the silence of solitude and have learned the lessons that it has taught me well. One of those teachings has been that life has not been the harbinger of doom that I used to believe that it was because I had been through so much pain and hardship. There is a class and dignity all their own that I would not have discovered had I not been through the sufferings I had endured. For with suffering comes a bridge of glory that only those who have been there comes to know.

When I allowed the pain to teach me instead of beat me, there emerged vitality and vigor within me that surprised me. There was more to me than I thought.

No matter what you are going through, life is still good. I’ve heard it said once that every day above ground is a good day and I hold to that tenet. Every day that we are blessed with another day alive is a blessing not to be squandered, but appreciated. Things may be difficult for you right now, but trust that you will get through it. Our trials and troubles come to pass, they don’t come to stay, although the wait for them to end may seem interminable. Hang in there. It’s going to get better. I know what I am talking about. When I was homeless on the streets of Montana, I was so frightened. But the Lord brought me through that period of my life and I can only thank Him for allowing me to go through it all because I learned many lessons and I gleaned most of all that I am a strong woman full of compassion. That time didn’t break me. It made me. And that is why I believe God allows us to go through hard times. To develop and strengthen our characters and for us to see what we are made of. For us to know that we are stronger,  smarter, and more resilient that we at first believed.

Pain is a perfect equalizer. It does not care about your station in life, or about your bank account. It does not care how many credentials you have. It is an equal opportunity teacher. Yes, I said that pain is a teacher. There is much that suffering and sorrow can train you for, if you will allow them to and do not allow self-defeating behavior like self-pity or bitterness to cloud your view to what suffering is trying to say. Because heartache has much speaking to do in your life if you will do what I do, and that is to embrace it instead of fighting against it. Don’t fight your suffering. Ask yourself and, more importantly, ask God what this particular situation has come to do for you. If you can get past the pain of suffering, you will find gems of wisdom and grace waiting to bless instead of curse. Of course, all suffering seems but a curse when we are experiencing it, but that is not true.

My suffering has made me wiser. It has made me more compassionate. It has taught me how to appreciate the beauty that is life and not to take anything for granted. Those things have made it all worth it. Because I would not have discovered them had I not been through the harrowing and hair-raising circumstances that I have been through. In retrospect, I wouldn’t change a thing. I would not have chosen to be homeless. I would not have picked for my husband to leave me after thirteen years of a grand love affair that would rival the greatest love stories ever told. I would not have signed up for the CFS that ravaged my body for four years, nor for the severe chronic pain that routinely kept me up screaming in torment. But you know what? I would not go back and alter any of those things because they made me the person I am today and that is a pretty fantastic person. And I wouldn’t be the kind of person that can take adversity and tribulation and use them to my advantage. Because I am able to help people who I never would have had the privilege of assisting if I had not had a message of hope.

Hope is what I have gotten the most of from my many years of sorrow and suffering. And hope is a commodity that is missing in this world. This age is filled with pessimistic people without hope, and to be without hope is to be without anything to live for. For it is through hope that we rise like a phoenix and fly another day.

If you have lost your hope, let me assure you that there IS hope. All you have to do is embrace what you are going through instead of complain about it or rail at the fates for bringing it into your life. Our hardships come for two reasons. One is because it is simply part of the pilgrimage of life. And the second reason is this: to make more of you than you ever thought or hoped you could be. So, instead of being angry at your circumstances, take a page out of my book and be grateful  instead. Believe me, if anyone has a reason to be bitter at the fates of life and a “right” to hold onto anguish and rage, it’s me. But that does not get you anywhere and I am of the mindset that I do not do things that waste my time or zap my energy or take away from my spirit. Anger and unforgiveness are two things that do just that. So, my very sage advice to you is to let go and let God.

Give the Lord God your pain. His shoulders are big enough to handle them and to hold onto you at the same time. He specializes in formulating victories where no victory is in sight. He is the God of the impossible. There is nothing He cannot and will not do for you, for He loves you immeasurably. As I’ve said before, I know what I am talking about. I have had a life of sheer hell and the Lord brought me through it all and all I can do is thank Him for it. If you give Him your hurts, you will be saying the same thing. Guaranteed.

Be encouraged

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Encouragement for You

Are you feeling a bit discouraged today? Do you need some cheer to help to keep you going? Do you seem as though you are the only person on the planet and no one sees you? Well, let me assure you that you are not alone and that there is Someone out here who cares for you. Someone who sees you.

That Someone is Jesus. Jesus cares about your every heart ache and every tear that you cry. He hurts when you hurt. He is concerned about the things that are on your mind. His heart is tender towards you and He looks upon you with great compassion and limitless love.

I know what I am talking about. I used to live in a world of colossal heartache and despair. I’d felt as though I was the only person on the planet and that I was on the outside of life looking in on all of the hustle and bustle going on around me. I’d felt so lonely. So lonely.

There were many times when I did not know what to do with myself. So, I cried out to the Lord, and you know what? He heard my cries and brought comfort to my heart. (“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4)  As a matter of fact, it was only the other day when I was feeling down in my spirit and I called on the Lord and He came to me and wrapped me in His Arms. I could feel His love for me and His tenderness. After that, I felt like Superman! (Or Superwoman, since I am a girl.LOL)

If you are down, I encourage you to contact me and I will pray for you and the Holy Spirit will minister to you through this computer screen or whatever device you are reading this blog from. Jesus is real and wants to give you rest. (“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28) Let Him give you that rest. And let me give you my support. I am here for you. And the Lord is here for you. You don’t have to go it alone. Allow this blog to be a place that you can come to for encouragement and reinforcement. You are worth it.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

I See You

This blog is going to take a deep turn. I know that it is just getting started and that I have been sharing my thoughts about various topics. That has been good in its own way, but I want this blog to be more. Instead of you seeing me, I want to see YOU.

I have endured much suffering, heartache, and pain in my 48 years of life. I have been institutionalized and homeless on the streets of Montana for two years. I have been raped and molested for years and beaten for even more years.

I lived with CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) for four years. I was bedridden 23 hours a day for eight months. I endured five years of severe chronic pain that never ended and the only reason I survived it was because I was still breathing.

I have been in a deep depression that lasted for many years. I lived with severe anxiety and panic attacks that lasted all day. My mind was shattered in a million pieces. I felt the breaking of it like shards of glass. Read my post from my other blog and that will give you a glimpse into my life.

These things that I have spoken of are only a small peek into my suffering. But I am so much more than my pain and sufferings. I am more than a conqueror! I am more than a survivor! I am a giant killer. I kill giants of fear, depression, confusion, and all of those giants cousins of doubt, apprehension, and worry.

I have been delivered from all of my fears and I now live a life of peace, love, and joy. I want to help YOU to get over your own heartaches and suffering and find your way to victory. Through my various trials and tribulations, you will find humor, encouragement, and the keys to unlock your own personal victories. Join me as I show you the pathway to peace.

I hope that you will invite your friends to this blog, for it is more than just a blog. It is a triumph over everything that assails you.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Don’t Give Up

I’m stuck. It has been several days since I have written in my blog and I do not know where or how to proceed from here.

I am so full of experiences and feelings that I am clogged up like something stuck in a drain. I have such high expectations when it comes to this blog that I am finding myself falling prey to the writer’s block monster. But I will continue to persevere and in the end, I will have the words to give to my readers. In the meantime, I will simply share to you my frustrations and see where that takes me.

This current blockage reminds me of a time in my life when I was stuck by my circumstances and did not know what to do. I came at the situation from several different angles and it was as though I was behind a humongous brick wall and others were watching my ineffectual efforts and futile attempts to free myself. But it was in the frustration that I found redemption. I kept pecking and pounding at the seemingly impenetrable fortress surrounding me and the more I hit it, the stronger I became. And the stronger I became, the weaker was that wall and cracks began to appear in its surface. Once those cracks surfaced, adrenaline surged within me and I attacked my wall of doubt–for that is what it was, doubt–and it came tumbling down and ended up in a pile around my feet and I walked up the mountain  that was now faith onto the other side. Rays of sunlight caressed my face and the energizing warmth of that orb of light energized me and gave me peace.

This block is a life lesson. And that lesson is this: Don’t give up on life no matter how difficult it may be. Who knows when your efforts will amount to a victory that you had not thought previously possible? I began this post not knowing where to go or what to do and here I am, stimulated and strengthened by the very thing that was an impediment. How ironic life is, full of paradox and shadings. Use what ails you to color outside the box of life. Who knows how many masterpieces lie within each of you?

Be encouraged. You have more within you than you believe. And so do I. There is a winner in you and there is a writer within me. Together, we find our strengths. And we discover that weaknesses aren’t all that bad. Hindrances are only the steppingstones to achieving goals you may have believed to be inconceivable. And isn’t that what truly living is all about in the end? I believe so.

In the end, I found myself within the confines of that wall. Had it not been there, I would not have employed the strategy that ultimately brought me triumph.

Can you see me?

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.