A Shattered Mind

Imagine a large pane of glass. Imagine that pane being struck by something solid and strong. Picture that pane of glass shattering into multiple pieces until those shards of glass are hundreds of bits. See all of these pieces strewn all about the floor. Now, imagine that the glass is your mind. I don’t have to imagine it because I experienced precisely that several years ago.

I could feel the shattering of my mind. The sensation was just as real to me as those shards of glass shattering. Except the shattering was not all over the floor. That breaking apart was in my mind. My mind flew apart as quickly as a fluttering bird flying through the atmosphere.

My mind broke because of severe mental and physical abuse suffered at the hands of my father and other men who molested, raped, and otherwise defiled my mind and body. But it was when I became homeless that the final blow was rendered to my mind and it shattered into a million pieces.

During this period, I was so afraid that I hid myself behind closed doors and refused to go out. I began to behave erratically and the world suddenly became a strange and unknown place. I talked in a bizarre manner and was idiosyncratic with the people within my sphere of influence. People called me crazy and started to avoid me.

But, crazy I was not. My mind was just broken. I still had feelings of deep caring for others and I wanted to be cared for by them. But most of them turned their backs on me. All except one. My oldest sister Elaine. She stood by me and cared for me and did not treat me as though I was crazy. She told me that I was NOT crazy and that I was her sister and that she loved me.

As I walked through this period in my life, it was obvious to me that God not only existed, but that He was Almighty and sovereign. Because the Lord began piecing my mind back together as I put my trust in Him. I placed my faith in Him and talked with Him many a day. And each day, He placed more and more of me in the wake of His lifeboat. He figuratively and literally saved my life. He threw me a life preserver called a bible and I read His word and the word did exactly what it said it would do. It healed me. (“He sent His word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.” Psalm 107:20)

I have been institutionalized six times. Each time, my mind was broken. Not shattered, perhaps. But broken. The word of God literally healed my mind and put all of the shards back into one whole piece. I have not been to a hospital for three years. My mind is sharper and clearer than it has ever been, thanks to the love of the Father.

If you have challenges with your mind, I encourage you to seek out the Father. Only He can put you back together again and make you as whole as if you’d never broken apart. Doctors can’t do it. Medication can’t do it. (I’ve been there and done both over the years.) But there is a God in heaven Who loves you and wants you completely whole, from the inside out and He is more than able to accomplish that completion and you will be just like me…nothing broken, nothing missing.

There are many who say that God does not exist. Many more who say that He does not care. Many who think that He is not able. But I serve a God Who is able to do MORE than you can ask or think. (“Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,” Ephesians 3:20) He does exist. And He more than cares. (Wherefore He is able to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by Him, seeing He ever liveth to make intercession for them.” Hebrews 7:25)

I pray that this blog post finds you with an open heart and mind. Read through this blog. Does it sound like it was written by a woman with a shattered mind? Well, it was and it wasn’t. The mind that was shattered is shattered no more. The Lord gave me a sound mind. And I will use it for His glory and He will use it for my good.

I have been through much trauma and heartache in my 48 years of life. But God used it all to make me the kind of woman who takes a lickin’ and comes back kickin’! So, who gets the final laugh out of the tally of my days here on earth? I do, that’s who!

I am Cassie. Here me roar!

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

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